Left above the clouds.

Well, things have been moving awfully fast on the ground here in Port-au-Prince (PAP), and taking care of myself has been on the back burner, hence the lack of updates.

I recently left Haiti for a week to connect with some friends that I hiked the Appalachian Trail with last year. By the time that I left PAP for the trail festival in Virginia, I was fast approaching total burnout. I realize upon reflection that with life in general and humanitarian work in particular it can be very easy to give yourself away. There is no shortage of people in desperate need, as you can imagine. All of the problems and deaths that you hear about daily overshadow any problem or concern that you may have. It is easy to feel guilty about your own challenges however large you might perceive them to be.

I left PAP early in the morning in a citywide blackout. Not knowing any of my flight details I left for a connection in Fort Lauderdale. There was a surreal moment upon takeoff, lifting above the blue tarps and brown streets, a quick flash of the cruise ship that the UN lives on just under the wing tip, climbing up through the clouds and finally above them I got a bit choked on how clean it was, and how broken I felt.

Last year I spent 7 months hiking the entirety of the Appalachian Trail. That long in the woods climbing mountains provided the most clear understanding of my place. I have never been more completely content with life and more engaged with my path. The people that I met and be-friended there continue to be the closest relationships that I have ever developed.

After a 14hr drive from Wisconsin down to Virginia watching the sunrise over green mountains and fog, I saw my friends again after almost six months. I found that I couldn't talk. I was quiet and a weight rested on my chest. If I couldn't talk to my closest friends, then what the hell had I done to myself? From balanced and content to happy but empty in 6 months.

Thankfully I had my friends and the woods to help me get back on track. By the end of the week I had found a bit of sanity and calm again. I walked up the hill from where we camped on the AT and got to the top of it looking out over the part of Virginia that had shown me my path last year, I started smiling and understanding my momentum. Despite the challenges and the work in Haiti, I am exactly where I am supposed to be and am so thoroughly satisfied helping and collaborating with my colleagues and the amazingly strong Haitian people. Until I am shown otherwise, this is my path.

-McBride